QAF 504: You can’t always get what you want?

There are a couple of things that hold universally true in the world of Queer as Folk; chief among them is this: never, EVER, throw a party for someone unless you want your relationship with them to be forever changed. Throw some men dressed as superheroes into the mix, and kiss your relationship goodbye. Remember Mikey’s surprise 30th birthday party, Brian? How about the Rage launch? So, Brian thinks the best way to divest Michael of this silly notion of monogamy is to parade hot guys in tight spandex around Babylon, and little Mikey will see the error of his ways. Well, that might work for you and me, Mr. Kinney, but Michael’s a different story.

Brian asks 'Wherefore art thou, Mikey?'

Predictably, the episode opens with thumping music and sweaty, writhing bodies. But wait! There are four sweaty, writhing bodies—it’s Brian and Justin Date Night! Damn, it’s been a while since we’ve seen one of those. Post-coital conversation centers around Brian and Justin’s new friends, whose ten-year relationship is governed by the axiom "the couple who plays together, stays together." Brian looks convinced, Justin unimpressed.

Surprise, surprise, Justin is later seen looking rather domestic, with a baby blanket over his shoulder cuddling little JR. Awww. It’s too bad we all know that he’ll never have one of his own as long as he stays with Brian. Suddenly, in comes Lindsay who proceeds to fight with Melanie over the custody agreement, ruining our happy little domestic scene—could the writers be more heavy-handed? Justin obviously wants love, romance, family, stability, but all around him families are falling apart. What’s a boy to do?

I’ll tell you what—cut to the scene with Brian and Justin in the shower. Justin realizes that despite its unconventional nature, at nearly five years he and Brian are now party to Liberty Avenue’s longest lasting relationship. Even Brian realizes it, telling Justin that while their married friends are either busting up or losing themselves in a wave of boring domesticity, the two of them will be saved. Did you catch Brian calling Justin “Mon Amour?” So close, but not quite there. You need to say it in English, Brian!

The dinner party at Ben and Michael’s is an unmitigated disaster—shocking! Brian stays true to form, Ben tries to maintain a Zen-like atmosphere, Monty and Eli jockey for the coveted “Most Pretentious Queer” title, Michael pouts and Justin looks like he can’t decide if he wants to laugh or cry. Although, when Brian presented the newlyweds with a sling for the playroom, I think Justin managed a slight chuckle.

Loretta is the new Debbie, making the old Debbie feel, well, old. Much QVCing ensues. And while I never, ever want to see anyone on QAF wield a bat ever again, seeing Debbie defend Loretta against her abusive husband was truly a sight to behold. Poor Darryl nearly learned the hard way what happens when you say the word fag in a diner full of bears.

So, this time Debbie’s got the bat, but poor Hunter is about to find out that high school hasn’t changed much since Justin dealt with Chris Hobbs. Everyone finds out about his HIV status, and the little-hustler-that-could finds himself ostracized from all of his friends, and pitied by his ex-girlfriend. I should have known that the second Ben and Michael took notice of their other child, all hell would break loose.

I am officially bored with the custody plotline—NEXT! Seriously. Previews for next week show JR at the hospital with Melanie and Michael arguing about who gets to take her in. Um…didn’t we do this four seasons ago with Gus? Yeah, we get it, gays and lesbians get fucked over at hospitals. I seriously doubt anyone watching a gay drama hasn’t learned this by now.

Oh, and one more thing about the previews for 505—Brian gets an STD. Okay, are we seriously supposed to believe that this is the first time this has happened? The man has spent the past five years nailing everything that wasn’t already nailed down. Are the writers now making a case for monogamy after thoroughly trashing it in 504? Say it ain’t so!


annamaria at 9:59 AM

2 spoke


at Monday, June 06, 2005 11:01:00 AM Blogger person x said...

Can I just say how much I hate Callie's fucking parents? Jumping out and yelling that Hunter has AIDS in front of the whole school. Now, is that really necessary? It just further demonstrates what uneducated assholes they are. And Hunter doesn't have AIDS. He's HIV positive. Bitches.

Lightning Round:

Loved that Brian got a sling for the "playroom." Ian and I died laughing.

Hate Boring and Stodgy Ave.! Apparently when you move there you must start talking like old ladies -- "Now, which of you does the planting and which does the cooking?" Give me a fucking break. I would have pulled a Brian at that shitty dinner party, too.

Custody battle. Like Annamaria, I am OVER IT. Just split him three ways. I don't want to hear about it anymore. Or see Mel all sad and missing her baby. Maybe if you weren't a raging bitch to begin with you would have gotten a better deal.

Loretta loves Debbie! Con't believe that you didn't mention it, Annamaria. Could see that coming the whole episode. Debbie's always liked the dick, though. I'm sure that she's had opportunities to be with the ladies before, considering her workplace, bar hopping, and allignment with the gay community. Writers: Please don't tell me that this is the first woman to hit on Debbie, because I don't buy it.

I wish it was Sunday already! I want to do more rooting for Hunter and swearing at Mel and Michael.

See you next week, QAF!

P.S. - I love how Lindz is actually getting bigger balls as the season progresses. Telling off Mel? LOVED it.

at Monday, June 06, 2005 11:12:00 AM Blogger annamaria said...

Ugh, I can't believe I didn't mention Loretta's crush on Debbie! What was I thinking! Yeah, it was obvious, and Debbie's throwaway line about Loretta working the early shift at the diner the next day ("Think of me in bed") was fucking priceless! Oh, and speaking of Debbie, how hilarious was the sexual innuendo with Horvath at the beginning of the episode? Even the heteros are getting action it seems!

I also forgot to mention Lindsay's attitude with Justin--when he said he didn't call because he didn't have her new number, and she reminded him that he could have asked Brian for it. I wonder what that is all about? Although, it seems like Justin hasn't bothered to call Daphne or even his own mother yet, so maybe Lindsay should just calm down. He's obviously too busy with date night to pick up the phone.

Oh, and did I mention Brian and Justin shower scene? Because it bears repeating. :)


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