8.03.2005

QAF 512: The Beginning of the End.



So, my dear QAF, where should I begin with my goodbye? Let’s start from the very beginning.

The most captivating ongoing storyline has been the relationship with Justin and Brian. Justin, being just a boy when first meeting the god-like Brian and still in high school. Brian, well, was a god. Not even god like. He was the gay god of Pittsburgh.

The two have had their share of ups and downs – cancer, a little fucker named Ethan, Hollywood, Justin and his desires to be a stepford fag. But now it seems like everything is changing. With a wedding on the horizon, this episode of QAF opens with what the audience has been waiting for the entire season: Brian fucking Justin’s brains out all over the loft. (Why not the new mansion in the country, or could they only afford to rent the house for one episode?)

But there is trouble with the domestics, brought about by the sneakiest of the terribly humdrum lesbians, Lindsay. You may remember that earlier in the season she was especially cunty at the custody hearing. But she outdoes herself here.

Just because Mel/Linds are leaving means that everyone else has to uproot their lives as well? Justin can paint in Pittsburgh. He can go to gallery openings anywhere while having his home base in the Pitts. As Justin so eloquently put it, his chance of a lifetime is Brian.

But leave it to cunty Lindsay to fuck up a party. Meeting with Brian, she shows him the article written about Justin. She knows how he is going to react – he has done it before. He always starts to isolate himself when an opportunity comes along for Justin, trying to push him away so that he’ll pursue it. Not shocking, that looks like what might happen on this week’s episode.

So, will there be a wedding? Will Justin and Brian end up together? Will Justin go to New York? Will Brian follow him and start Kinnetic NYC? Will the executives of Showtime be getting my angry calls all day on Monday, demanding a feature film-length resolution to the Brian-and-Justin-must-live-happily-ever-after of my dreams?

And then there is everyone else...

Remember Drew Boyd? And how I loved him? I wish I was at the club with Emmett and this show was real life, because this little white girl would have done my best to kick his ass. Does he know what he’s giving up in Emmett by making out with the trick at the bar?

My dream resolution? Emmett eating pudding and maple syrup or whatever other nasty concoction that Aunt Luella came up with. Drew comes to the door of Debbie’s house, cake in hand, announces that it’s his 21st birthday, and proceeds to fuck Emmett’s brains out.

And then there is Ted/Tad – does anyone else get the weirdo vibe here? Like the making Ted listen to three messages saying “I love you” while sitting at the table when he was late? Or making him cancel his birthday plans with his long-time friends, who have been with him through everything and are sure to be hurt on his canceling the bash. (Emmett especially.) He just seems possessive and stalkery. I’m holding out for a last episode return of Ted’s true love, Blake. Like I have been all season. Or is Ted just going to end up alone? That’s too depressing to even imagine.


Lesbians are moving to Canada. See ya, bitches!

Michael and Ben? Strangely quiet this week. Hunter is back in school, with no follow-up on what it’s like for him. Maybe we’ll hear this week? Will he get back with Callie? It had better be a quick makeup, though. It’ll be taking away from precious Brian/Justin screen time. Michael and Brian make up. Finally. And all because of Ben, who has surprised me a lot lately.

So, on Sunday night on the couch is where I’ll be. Box of Kleenex in hand. Whatever the end scenario is, I’m sure I’ll be crying my eyes out. Hell, I’m sure I’ll be crying during the goodbye special and all through the entire last episode. I feel like I’m losing my friends.

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person x at 2:15 PM

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6 Comments

at Wednesday, August 03, 2005 3:14:00 PM Blogger annamaria said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jen, for pointing out how fucking *evil* Lindsay was in 512. How I fucking hated her. Lindsay, the women who for years has demanded that Brian show his son more attention and make an effort to be a better father, now decides that Brian's desire to do just that must take a backseat to her plans. Lindsay, who for years has demanded that Brian finally grow up and realize that his future is with Justin, now decides that Justin's future is elsewhere. And far be it for her to simply shut the fuck up and tend to her own bullshit for once. Nooooo....she has to play the only card that Brian cannot ignore--Justin would be better off if he went to New York, Brian's happiness (and their happiness together) be damned.

Fuck, I have never hated that woman more. I actually feel sorry for Melanie, who is about to uproot her life for her.

Anyway, you know that Brian is going to demand that Justin go to New York, and (as previews indicate), Justin is still a little confused about what he wants, because Brian's new-found monogamy seems to be scaring the shit out of him. So, yeah, looks like no wedding for us. Stupid Showtime.

As for Ted/Tad--wow, that was fucked up! Carina and I were trying to figure out what was up with Tad. He seems a little off, but we can't figure out what he is hiding. I vote Blake!

Drew & Emmett's break up--awful. Horrible. I cried. I can't even talk about it right now, for fear that I will cry some more.

I don't care about Michael and Brian being friends again because I still don't like Michael. Ted should be the best man in the wedding that isn't going to happen.

Anyway, can't wait until Sunday, even though part of me wants for that day to never come. What the fuck am I going to obsess over now that there is no QAF? I'm going to have to go out and get myself a life!

 
at Thursday, August 04, 2005 10:24:00 AM Blogger Dane meets Simone said...

Totally agree about Tad. I kept waiting for him to peel his face off. Doesn't he look like he has another face under there?

I can't take the lesbians seriously cuz the acting is too bad. Could all the real dykes get together and throw a party to say goodbye to all two dimensions of these pathetic characters? I know Showtime made them include lesbians on the show, but it was no favor to us. I'm with Guin Turner, my favorite little celebrity dyke, who said "Why are the fags so heinous and the lesbians so boring? I want some heinous dykes!" And I know they exist, believe me, cuz I was just hanging out w/150 of 'em last night at Como's.

Drew Boyd. I just got his haircut--and not on purpose. Good riddance.

Speaking of lesbian haircuts, how come you guys want Blake back? Recovery guy??? He scares me.

 
at Thursday, August 04, 2005 10:44:00 AM Blogger person x said...

Oh, but Blake and Ted have history. They really love each other, and have a great deal in common. And while he is pretty boring, I was never waiting for him to peel his face off to reveal the super weirdo stalker monster underneith. Ted deserves to go out happy, and not the only person alone.

I didn't even think of Ted being best man for Brian. I would have loved that, Annamaria. Good call.

 
at Thursday, August 04, 2005 12:35:00 PM Blogger annamaria said...

Kerri, I demand a picture of you with Drew Boyd's haircut! I'm going to hold your CDs as ransom until I get the photographic proof!

Okay, I'll send them out this weekend regardless. I'm a pushover like that.

I forgot to mention my favorite quote from this episode. When Debbie and Emmett are looking at the invitation to Brian and Justin's wedding, and Debbie says "There's only one explanation. He must have knocked up Sunshine." Hi-fucking-larious!

 
at Thursday, August 04, 2005 12:55:00 PM Blogger Dane meets Simone said...

You still haven't sent them out??? Y'know, I may be new to this area but you're not exactly Jane Smith. I could find you.

 
at Thursday, August 04, 2005 2:16:00 PM Blogger person x said...

Yeah, missy. We're getting a little past my birthday.

Kerri, I want to see this picture, too. Put it on your blog.

My favorite montage moment from the invitation arrivals, hands down, was Ted spitting out a mouthfull of water. I about died.

 

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