Intolerant gay fundamentalists for diversity of choice...

Now that I've used all the catch
phrases, I'll be sure to get that
autographed picture of Babs!

Oh, I love it when conservatives complain about the liberal media and the godless fags taking over the earth. Following their logic requires such amazing cognitive contortions to overcome the inconvenient little fact of Republicans controlling all three branches of government, most state houses, and the mainstream media (I'm talking to you, Rupert Murdoch). As Noam Chomsky said, if the media were really liberal, you would see the "Labor Section" of your newspaper, not the "Business Section."

This month, Agape Press and James Lambert take on "liberal lingo" in an attempt to unravel their deep, delusory meanings and save their dear readers from falling for our damnable deceptions:

Please note the Freudian slip at the start of that paragraph...

I find it interesting that in an article based on the misuse of language by liberals to further our political ends, the author manages to use an emotionally-charged word in an effort to further his ideological position. A baby does not have a choice in an abortion, because babies are neither aborted, nor do they obtain abortions. A pregnancy is aborted, and as a result a fetus is removed from a woman’s body. You cannot abort a baby (or a fetus for that matter)—this isn’t an issue of me using language to obscure the reality of abortion, this is an example of me using language correctly. Sorry if that offends.

The use of “choice” by abortion rights advocates isn’t an attempt to belie the reality of abortion or “eliminate any negative connotation,” it is simply a statement of intent. We believe that women should be able to choose from a variety of reproductive options, from abstinence to abortion, because we believe that women are capable of making those kinds of decisions without patronizing and infantilizing legislation like 24-hour waiting periods and spousal consent regulations. We believe women have to right to choose; that makes us pro-choice.

The use of the word gay to refer to homosexuals appeared as early as the 1920s, most notably in Noel Coward’s play Bitter Sweet, where fin de siecle dandies sing:
For the "Nineties" being gay,
We all wear a green carnation.

The “green carnation” is a reference to the very gay (and I mean this in all senses of the word) Oscar Wilde, who famously donned such a flower. Wikipedia also notes that the 1938 film Bringing Up Baby is the first to use the word gay to connote homosexuality. Considering that the modern gay rights movement has its start with the Stonewell Rebellion in 1969, it would seem that society as a whole, and not those nefarious homosexual activists, had a hand in this particular etymology.

So, let’s talk about that “lifestyle than [sic] (on average) lowers the life expectancy of homosexual males by over 20 years,” shall we? First of all, Mr. Lambert is lying to you. Those numbers don’t come from the Centers for Disease Control*, they are culled from a 1997 study conducted by Hogg, et al in Canada. The Vancouver team used data from 1989-1992 in an effort to estimate the impact of HIV on gay and bisexual men, in particular to determine any effect on the overall life expectancy of that particular demographic subset. It is interesting to note that Hogg et all have specifically decried any attempt by anti-gay activists to use their work as a means of denying rights to, or teaching intolerance of, gay men.
Over the past few months we have learnt of a number of reports regarding a paper we published in the International Journal of Epidemiology on the gay and bisexual life expectancy in Vancouver in the late 1980s and early 1990s.From these reports it appears that our research is being used by select groups in US and Finland to suggest that gay and bisexual men live an unhealthy lifestyle that is destructive to themselves and to others. These homophobic groups appear more interested in restricting the human rights of gay and bisexuals rather than promoting their health and well being. [emphasis mine]

Both the original research time and others have since claimed that the 1989-1992 data is outdated, and that new advances in medical technology and education have narrowed the life-expectancy gap to a paltry 14 months—a statistically insignificant figure.

Prove us wrong.

Seriously, Agape Press, behave in a way that doesn’t indicate that you “want a theocracy, condemn others to hell, wish to punish sinners, and militantly want to force [your] religious beliefs on others” and I will stop calling you a fundamentalist.

Un-fucking-believable. It’s the liberals that are “unwilling to grant equal freedom of expression especially in religious matters”? Tell that to the woman who can’t get emergency contraception (or any kind of birth control for that matter) because the pharmacist refuses to recognize her religious beliefs. Or the high school kids who have to learn that evolution is a theory because some crackpot asshole thinks that the sky fairy** spent six days making the universe. I am not intolerant of religion, but like the homophobic asshole who cringes at the thought of two dudes kissing***, I just don’t wanna see it! By all means, express your religion, go to church, believe what you want to believe, but for the love of Bill, grant me the same fucking courtesy, would you?

Time to get a new dictionary, dude.

I have a feeling that Lambert had a stack of notecards with conservative talking points on them that somehow managed to get scattered all over the floor. In his haste to write this insightful article, he put them in a pile, said to hell with order or cogency, and haphazardly applied them to whatever bullet point his little heart desired. You see, the "any kind of differentiation is bad" line is supposed to be used against the evil gender feminists, and the "making personal judgment calls is wrong" canard is for liberals who criticize Bush's "Ownership Society," or Denny's for not serving the black folk.

*I looked all over for a CDC report that said anything even remotely similar to this, and came up with nothing. If you can find one, send it along and I’ll repay your kindness with a cookie.
**As always, credit to Norbizness
***As always, credit to Jon Stewart


annamaria at 2:13 PM

5 spoke


at Wednesday, December 14, 2005 3:49:00 PM Anonymous Rich said...

Haha! I so wish that I could post this pictures in comments: http://gfx.dagbladet.no/kultur/2004/02/01/ali_2_2.jpg

at Wednesday, December 14, 2005 3:50:00 PM Anonymous Rich said...

"This pictures"? Gawd, I need to learn to type...

at Thursday, December 15, 2005 4:51:00 PM Blogger Dane meets Simone said...

LOL. Nice pic.

I just got to this. I was over in the political and social arena (the one with the clown mouth) harassing and intimidating any who dared opposed me (mostly clowns).

Great post. But damn, you've gotta be tired from shoveling all that. You'll never get to the snow.

at Friday, December 16, 2005 10:34:00 AM Blogger annamaria said...

Holy shit...clowns are homophobes? Why didn't I get the memo? That's alright, though, I've always hated clowns anyway. Though I always thought that was due to the Gacy factor.

at Tuesday, December 20, 2005 12:23:00 AM Blogger paul asjes said...

"Please note the Freudian slip at the start of that paragraph..."

when i read the article, it sounded weird, but when you pointed it out, i started laughing so hard.

and i love the way you did the "time to get a new dictionary, dude:" thing. that was perfect.


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