Finally, an abstinence pledge I can sign

There appears to be some confusion amongst the fundies about certain intricacies of gay marriage, so allow me to use this visual representation to make a few things clearer for our logic-challenged friends:

Photo courtesy of Derek Goodwin Photography

This is a happily married gay couple.

This is a sheep.

I know that upon initial examination, it is difficult to discern any differences between the two, so I’ll do my best clarify:

It looks like Janet Rowland, the Republican candidate for Lieutenant Governor in Colorado, needs a little help in differentiating humans from other animals. In an interview on PBS earlier this year, Janet had this to say about gay marriage:

"But I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. Homosexuality is an alternative lifestyle," she said. "That doesn't make it marriage. Some people have group sex," she said. "She we allow two men and three women to marry? Should we allow polygamy with one man and five wives? For some people, the alternative lifestyle is bestiality. Do we allow a man to marry a sheep?"

Janet dear, look at the above photographs, would you? Then read the four bullet points beneath the pictures until it sticks in your little brain that only fundies confuse people with sheep. In order to assuage Janet’s fears of the eventual slippery-slope to bestiality that will be logical outcome of gay marriage, I’m proposing the following campaign: all progressive minded humans (not sheep!) should pledge to avoid sleeping with and/or marrying any barnyard animals in the event that gay marriage should become legal. In order to spread the word to Ms. Rowland and those like her, I’m proposing the following pledge be sent to her via email [her email address is inactive, I'm still searching for a good one] or regular mail at P.O. Box 20,000 Grand Junction, CO 81502-5010

Ms. Rowland,

I read with great interest your comments regarding gay marriage during an appearance on PBS’s “Colorado State of Mind.” I agree that sexual relations between humans and non-human animals is an abomination (to co-opt some of your language), and that we as a society must do whatever we can to prevent the sexual abuse of animals. I’ve never seen any poll numbers on how many Americans believe bestiality to be sinful, but I can state with confidence that they must outnumber those who oppose gay marriage and gay rights. So, in order to alleviate the fears of the anti-bestiality crowd, while still recognizing that gay humans should and do have rights, I am starting a campaign to have all decent Americans pledge to abstain from sex with non-humans.

I, __________________________, do hereby pledge to forswear and abstain from sexual relations with non-humans as a result of the recognition of marriage rights for gay and lesbian Americans. This disavowal of bestiality should also be construed as a promise to renounce any intentions of marrying non-human animals.

Once a sufficient number of people have responded with their abstinence pledges, I trust you will back off from rhetoric equating loving gay couples with horrific acts of violence against sheep. I also trust that your final argument against gay marriage, the slippery slope to bestiality, will be laid to rest.

Yours in peace,

I'll let you know if I get a response.

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annamaria at 12:00 PM

3 spoke


at Thursday, August 17, 2006 9:20:00 PM Blogger Dane meets Simone said...

Thanks for this post. It's snarky as hell but I swear I can feel the love.

Your lesbian g-friends thank you.

at Thursday, August 17, 2006 9:39:00 PM Blogger annamaria said...

Hey, no need to thank me. Where would we be if we didn't have each other's backs?

Oh, and Rich asked me an important question today, so I'm going to clarify right now. Yes, I actually did send this letter to Janet Rowland. Unfortunately, the email address listed on her offical Mesa County homepage is inactive--actually the email failure report listed her address as "unused." Interesting. So, I'm going to mail her the letter instead. I would encourage all of you to do the same. Feel free to copy the entire letter, or write your own. Either way, make sure to fill out the pledge and append to your letter. I'll keep hunting for a usable email address.

at Tuesday, August 22, 2006 1:16:00 PM Blogger Kurt said...

i can't sign it. sorry. it does not differentiate between Earth originating species and potential extraterrestial visitors that are particularly hot...


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