6.20.2005
QAF 506: Who's Hot, Who's Not?
Welcome to QAF 506, a world of tidy resolutions and barely any Brian and Justin screentime. Gee, how do you think I felt about this episode?So, Lindsay, Melanie and Michael have inexplicably kissed and made up. Ben and Michael invite everyone over for the world’s most boring housewarming party—Mel and JR show up and Michael proceeds to show everyone what a cute wittle baby she is. Mel & Linds bond over punch, reminiscing about their own housewarming party a lifetime ago. Awww…isn’t this a beautiful picture of a wonderful, happy, non-traditional family? Give me a fucking break. Excuse me, but, um, weren’t y’all trying to kill each other just last week?
A few weeks ago, I discussed Rule #1 in QAF-land: never, ever throw a surprise party. This week illustrates Rule #2—Ted is the Anti-Brian. But wait! Apparently, the world has shifted on its axis and Rule #2 has been subverted—Brian is the Anti-Ted!
So, while Ted is getting laid left and right (due to plastic surgery that didn’t change his appearance one iota), and exacting his revenge on Troy for the whole Mr. Pride Pity Fuck 2002 embarrassment, Brian can’t even manage to do better than a lackluster, half-finished blowjob on a hi-lo (did anyone else find the construction-site motif at the sex party a little too Village People for their liking?). Wherefore art thou, Brian’s stud reputation? Well, it seems the patrons of Babylon have found a new king; enter…He Who Shall Remain Nameless Because the Writers Didn’t Bother to Tell Us His Name. We’ll call him Brandon. (***Spoiler Alert*** His name actually is Brandon).
Oh, poor Brian. Soon Brandon is rejecting our hero and getting all the good tricks while Brian finds himself in the unenviable position of coming home to the same supremely hot blonde boy ass every night. However will he survive? I know, I know, I’m treading dangerously close to having my status as the president of the Straight Girls for Brian Kinney Fanclub revoked, but seriously, he needs to grow up! I’m not arguing for a life of monogamy, but is being the hottest fag in Pittsburgh the only thing he’s got going? For an egotistical bastard, Brian doesn’t seem to have much faith in his own self-worth, does he?
Justin meanwhile does grow up and tells Brian what he wants out of their relationship—meaning, he wants an actual relationship. Well, it’s about time! By the way, I loved this scene, with Justin talking and Brian trying on about 20 of the same black shirt. In my more poetic moments, I would say that the black shirt represents the nameless tricks—virtually indistinguishable from one another, and easily cast aside. But I have been known to read way too much into things!
As an aside, this Brandon guy? Not hot. And I know it’s going to be difficult to cast a role with an actor that is meant to rival the yummy Gale Harold, but certainly Showtime could have done better than a short guy with stringy, dirty-blonde hair. He looks like an 80s catalog model. Whew…I think I just secured my spot as fanclub president for at least another week!
So, what’s up with the characters that aren’t Brian?
Emmett—tries to sex up his Queer Guy spot on the evening news, only to be told to keep his dirty laundry off the airwaves.
Debbie—suffering from BFM, she finally tells Carl that she misses the diner, and she gives up the life of a Lady of Leisure to sling hash. Good for her!
Hunter—skips school by claiming to be at debate practice (which makes sense, because only total losers like Jen and I were on the debate team), and finally admits that school is unbearable now that everyone knows his HIV status. In a stunning display of the Worst Parenting Ever, Ben and Michael let Hunter run away, but not without first giving him money.
Rage & JT—get married! Yeah, keep dreaming Justin.
Overall, not a terrible episode, but still too neat and tidy for my liking. Give me some actual drama, people!
Labels: QAF
annamaria at 8:15 AM
1 Comments
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at Monday, June 20, 2005 2:15:00 PM
annamaria said... Ah, I love it when movies/tv shows do debate episodes--all this oratorical bullshit that bears no resemblence whatsoever to what Jen and I spent way too many years of our lives doing. But, again, we are supernerds, so we would notice inconsistencies like that.
Another thing I noticed about Brian (since he has been the only consistently not-boring character this season)--isn't going after the guy a big no-no? I mean, remember season one's big "don't go after him, Mikey" speech about Dr. David? Apparently, one can go after silent, greasy-haired club kids, but not a boyfriend. Strange.
And, yeah, I'm still mystified by Brandon. He's not hot!! Seriously, as a connoisseur of hot men, I can state unequivocally--not hot. Okay, maybe slightly warm in a world absent Brian Kinney, but that is the nicest I am going to be.
And what is strangest about not-hot Brandon is that he kind of looks like a cross between Jared Leto and Michael Vartan--two men who are actually hot. Too much of a good thing, perhaps?
